5,000 Great One Liners - download pdf or read online

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a distinct position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no larger time to rejoice the immortal one-liner. during this booklet, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever informed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you will ever desire – and an entire lot extra.

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I just saw Toy Story in 3D… The guy in 4D asked me to take off my hat. After winning a race, a jockey was found to have given his animal drugs and was disqualified. I bet that took him off his high horse. When people ask me ‘plz’ just because it’s shorter than ‘please’, I feel perfectly justified answering ‘no’ just because its shorter then ‘yes’. It wasn’t a bad idea to do trigonometry in the sun. I got a tan. I told everyone that I won the ‘Bullshitter of the Year’ award. But no one believed me.

My missus put on a real XXX show in front of the kids and some mates last night. That’s the last time I take her bowling. Gold: worth its weight in gold. Just because I’m unemployed doesn’t mean that I’m not busy. These mines aren’t going to sweep themselves. My fear of insomnia keeps me awake at night. My niece isn’t obese, she’s kidnap-resistant. I just saw Toy Story in 3D… The guy in 4D asked me to take off my hat. After winning a race, a jockey was found to have given his animal drugs and was disqualified.

If you misread that, you’re a paedophile. What happened just before the big bang? The big foreplay. I’m bored of the ‘Never had sex with a goat’ group. But it’s suspicious to quit. My Chinese mate always tells the truth. Believe Yu-Mi, he never lies. Why are there no casinos in China? Because the Chinese hate Tibet. Whenever I say something to my mates, they always expect it to be a joke and wait for the punch line… I hate that. It’s been exactly a year since I stopped smoking. And 364 days since I started again.

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

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